


All I Have to Do Is Watch You Breathing

by craftyAnatomist



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Pining, Secret Crush, Stolen Century arc, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 15:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14083584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craftyAnatomist/pseuds/craftyAnatomist
Summary: "And you were sleeping on the floorBreathing free and evenIf I ever want to drive myself insaneAll I have to do is watch you breathing"(The Mountain Goats, "There Will Be No Divorce")It's been a long mission. Long enough for Lucretia to start seeing Lup in a new light. But will close quarters and a life-or-death situation be enough to finally make her admit her feelings?





	All I Have to Do Is Watch You Breathing

Lucretia yawned, pushing her shoulders back in some kind of awkward stretch. It struck her as a little funny how out in space, on some strange alien planet that doesn’t even have the same number of suns let alone the same day length, 3am still feels like 3am. Something about circadian rhythms - Barry had explained it better than she could entirely understand, as much as she would like to. The simple fact was that her body knew when it was supposed to be asleep, even if her brain didn’t always have enough common sense to obey it.

She wasn’t totally sure what had woken her, but she was pretty confident that it was the rain that was keeping her up. The rain here fell in huge blobs, big orbs of water that burst on impact, splashing loudly on the tent that seemed like a slightly-too-flimsy shelter for her and Lup. Somehow Lup was sleeping through the noise, though in her half-asleep state Lucretia could have sworn she heard the elf whisper and saw a few sparks dancing at her fingers when the rain got particularly heavy. There’s no way she could be doing evocation magic in her sleep, is there? Lucretia shook her head, pushing the thought away, but not dismissing it completely. The last few weeks of planetary exploration, hunting for the Light side-by-side, had given her a healthy mix of respect and fear of both Lup’s magical abilities and her survival instinct.

Though she was still having a hard time admitting it to herself, those weren’t the only feelings towards Lup that had been growing during the time they spent together. She had always found her attractive, of course. Lup had that almost ethereal elegance that all elves have, and the confidence she shared with Taako that made almost everything they did seem like a performance, impossible to ignore. And intelligent, too; intimidatingly so. Lucretia was growing more confident in her own abilities as a diligent student of magic, but she still couldn’t believe by how certain things just seemed to naturally come easily to Lup in a way they didn’t for her.

But close proximity meant she was noticing things she hadn’t before. The way she moved; a little awkward at times, if you looked really closely, but somehow still graceful. The way she talked. How her eyes lit up when she smiled, when she was excited and enthusiastic about the silliest things. Her smile itself, how knowing and mischievous that flash of a grin could be. Most of all Lucretia had noticed the way that every now and then, just when she had slipped back into the habit of seeing the twins as immature, maybe even self-centred, Lup would talk about saving the universe or about protecting her brother and her friends, and Lucretia would remember how much unbelievable _good_ was in her.

Now it was 2am in what felt like the world’s noisiest tent on the World of Ridiculous Fucking Raindrops, and it was all she could do not to wake Lup up just to tell her how absolutely beautiful she was.

Lucretia propped herself up on one arm and looked over at Lup, lying at the opposite side of the tent, partly curled up into fetal position, her hair a gorgeous dark shiny mess across her pillow. More and more of the free time Lucretia had between important work was being devoted to sketches of Lup, and it was moments like these that she most enjoyed capturing in charcoal. Lup resting. Lup at peace, the occasional twitch excepted. The sound of her breaths, the steady movements of her body as she breathed in and out, could have almost been calming in different circumstances. If Lucretia’s feelings were less complicated. If she were brave enough to admit them. If Lup felt the same way about her.

As things were, her breathing was never-ending and repetitive in all the wrong ways, like a song she couldn’t get out of her head. She wanted to hold her, to have that breathing rhythm move through her too. She imagined feeling Lup’s warmth against her, burying her face in the crook of her neck, finally falling asleep with Lup in her arms. She tried to focus on that image - soft, loving - as other, more vivid thoughts began to creep into the edges of her mind. The idea of holding her slowly turning to the thought of the two of them intertwined. Then the two of them naked. She wondered what Lup felt like, how soft her skin would be, the reaction she would get if she was to slowly run her hand along the curves of her body...

There was a sudden noise outside - different than the rain, which had begun to quiet down - and it felt to Lucretia like a sign. _Stop thinking of her like that._ Or maybe that was just her own conscience talking.

Whatever the sound was, it provided a timely distraction. Lucretia checked to see if her tent-mate was still asleep (yes, but again she thought she may have seen her hands move) before quietly pushing her blanket to one side and crawling toward the entrance of the tent, cautiously poking her head out and trying to see past the rain to see what could have made the noise. Bright eyes glinted at her from the trees, low to the ground - some kind of animal? - and then disappeared. The noise had sounded like some kind of howl, but every planet they arrived on had its own amazing array of strange wildlife, making identification significantly more difficult. It occurred to her that in this same situation Magnus would have already run into the woods after the creature, but she had more sense than that. Or did she?

Looking back into the tent, it seemed like a choice between staying up all night pining - maybe adding another drawing or two to her journal - and the chance to possibly do something useful. They hadn’t come across many animals on this plane yet, and in Lucretia’s experience getting to know the flora and fauna could often be a key part of the mission. That was enough of a justification for her, anyway.

Lucretia picked up her journal, careful not to make too much noise, and pulled the hood of the robe over her head; thankfully, once the Starblaster crew had realised what the climate of this planet was like, a unanimous decision to enchant their uniforms with waterproof properties had been made, so at least she would escape being completely soaked. She walked slowly into the woods, taking her steps carefully until her eyes could adjust to the moonlight and she could see her way.

She heard the noise again, and rustling in the undergrowth from the same direction where she had seen the mysterious pair of eyes. Despite not having seen any animals yet, Lucretia had been making a careful study of all the plants she came across, and so she was able to figure out the best way to pursue the creature quietly; patches of the forest floor were covered in some kind of velvety moss, close enough together that she could use them as stepping stones to move without any noise. Step by step, she followed the sounds of the creature until she came to a clearing, where she could finally see it in its entirety.

It was hard to resist the urge to put every animal she came across into a familiar category, no matter how alien. With that in mind, there was something about this thing that reminded her of a deer, the way it seemed to have to work against its graceful long legs to bend down and lap at the pool of water in front of it. The fur on its back was like an abstract watercolour painting, blotches of colour that blended into one another, the same purples and greys and greens of the forest floor. As she sketched the animal’s form into her notebook, she began to jot down these thoughts into the margins shorthand, trying to get as much down as possible before it saw her and fled. Deer-like. Grey, green, purple. Camouflage - prey animal?

Suddenly something emerged from the darkness beside her, as tall as her, and baring teeth - close enough for its breath to warm Lucretia’s skin - and as she looked it up and down, she realised something else she would have to note about the creature she had been drawing.

_Juvenile._

Lucretia was pinned to the ground in a matter of seconds. The sounds of her own screaming and the creature’s loud, shrieking cries mixed together with the splashing of the giant raindrops to form a cacophony that made the whole situation not only terrifying but too overwhelming at a sensory level for Lucretia to think straight.

No matter how many cycles they went through, imminent death never got easier for Lucretia, or anyone on the Starblaster - especially moments like this one where you knew it was your own carelessness that had gotten you there.

Then it all happened at once - a voice, yelling - fire, bright and hot and inches away from her - and Lucretia wasn’t dead. The creature lay subdued at her side, a smouldering pile of fur on the mossy ground, and standing above her with moonlight on her face was the most beautiful woman she had ever met, reaching out a hand.

“Oh my god Lup, thank you, _fuck_ ,” Lucretia said, unable to believe that she had survived.

“Hurry up so we can get out of this goddamn rain,” Lup said softly, and helped her to her feet. Still in shock, and starting to shiver from the cold of the forest, Lucretia held on to Lup’s arm as they traipsed back through the forest to their tent.

Once they were inside, Lup wrapped a blanket around Lucretia and let her lean on her shoulder, and Lucretia struggled to find the words to tell her how grateful she was. It wasn’t the first time anyone on the crew had had to save someone else, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but she felt guilty for having put herself in danger for no reason.

“I’m sorry, I… I couldn’t sleep,” she whispered, figuring she at least owed Lup an explanation.

“Don’t worry about it. Is something keeping you up, Lu?” Lup said, turning to look at Lucretia with a curious look that took her somewhat by surprise in how serious it was. Maybe… maybe there was something there after all, for Lup to care about her this much? She looked up at Lup, her heart racing, ready to tell her everything, and then - didn’t. The thought of everything she could lose was just too much.

“Not really,” Lucretia said, sitting up straight and shifting away from Lup slightly. “I mean, just the… just the mission, I guess.” It wasn’t a complete lie, after all.

“Yeah, I think we’re all in the same boat there,” Lup said, and cracked a smile after she realised her unintended joke. “Want me to stay up with you until you fall asleep?”

“No, probably better for at least one of us to be well-rested in the morning,” Lucretia said, wondering if there could be anything worse right now than having to spend the whole night holding herself back from confessing her feelings.

“If you say so,” Lup says, shrugging. “You mind if I go to sleep now, then?” Lucretia shook her head, and Lup did a little exaggerated flop onto her sleeping bag.

“Thanks again,” Lucretia said, and she heard a murmured “welcome” from the already half-asleep elf.

Within a few minutes it was like she was back where she started, as if nothing had happened; listening to the rain, and the wind, and every one of Lup’s breaths driving her crazy. Only one thing had changed.

Now Lucretia was _definitely_ in love with her.


End file.
